Jun 29, 2016
5 MM 125 Sitting with Sadness
Hello my friends and welcome to Five Minute Mojo. It isn’t
possible to be happy all the time, not should you ever want to
be. We grow in all situations. In fact, most times we
grow the most during challenging times. Of course that
doesn’t mean we should be looking to experience hardships at every
turn, but the point is we shouldn’t run from them either.
Again, we grow in all situations. We can learn in times of
joy and times of strife. It doesn’t take much thinking to
know which is going to be more enjoyable. Enjoyable are not,
be open to lessons in all situations.
Our culture here in the Unites States and I would imagine in many
other parts of the world put enormous focus on happiness. You
would think that I of anybody would totally endorse this. I
do endorse happiness, but not at the expense of other emotions and
energies.
I bring this up because our society focuses on trying to ignore any
reference to sadness. Sadness is frowned upon, pun
intended. With the exception of pharmaceuticals, TV
commercials and print ads as well, show people laughing and smiling
to excess. I am not sure about you, but I don’t have a
deranged ear to ear grin when I am driving my car or sipping an ice
coffee, walking the beach, or, well, you get the picture. We
are told to be happy all the time and that is a huge trap.
It’s a trap for people who have difficulty experiencing happiness
and it is even a challenge for people who don’t have those
challenges yet in rare times do feel unhappy.
That very trap can lead us to do some very dangerous and/or
impulsive things. It may land us in debt as we attempt to buy
things to squelch our sadness. It may have us experience
something even more dangerous, perhaps turning to drugs or alcohol
to experience the bliss we feel we should know, but don’t.
It’s even more benign as we procrastinate from normal day to day
tasks because they don’t seem exciting or light us up.
The other day I woke up in a different type of space. I
usually bound out of bed ready to take on the day. On this
particular day I was lackluster. Perhaps it was a less than
stellar night of sleeping or who knows what. For whatever
reason, I tried to kickstart myself. I tried to toll into my
normal morning routine, hoping that one of my daily habits would
spark a little excitement. I grabbed my iPad and started in
on my daily Italian practice. Halfway through I tossed the
pad aside, still unenthused. Thinking about the other things
in the morning list I tried to put them in order of what to try
next. Nothing was working. I began to feel a little
edgy thinking that I was failing at my morning routine.
That is until the cavalry showed up, well, at least showed up in my
head. Bart chimed in to say, quite simply,
“Relax, it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen today and that’s
okay. Perhaps, there is a bigger lesson to learn in not doing
everything according to planned today”
He was right of course. There was a lesson to be
learned. It came from sitting with seemingly difficult
feelings. I continued throughout the morning, doing whatever
struck my fancy. Clothes needed to be folded but they weren’t
on the priority list. Clothes happened hours later. And
yes I know, kinda retentive. I began folding the clothes, as
the sullenness continued. I wasn’t sad per se, simply
lackluster. I did feel a little disappointed that I didn’t
have my usual fire, but i didn’t try to ignite it anymore, taking
heed from Bart. As I folded the clothes I thought about my
life. I thought about the joys I have experienced and the
hardships. I thought about them all. I remembered the
good times, laughing with friends and family, and I tuned in to the
lack of focus and energy that I was currently feeling. I sat
with the funk. I sat with it for about an hour, not
disavowing it or trying to change it, just feeling it. And
then, an epiphany happened. having reviewed the happy and
challenging times in my head once again, Bart once again spoke
up.
Are you ready to come back now? I thought about it, weighing
the different experiences I have had in my life, and made a
decision. It was time to come back. I had sat with all
the energies and feelings and knew which ones I wanted to embrace,
joy.
Yet, that option would be meaningless if I hadn’t taken the time to
sit with its antithesis, the funk that hung over me.
We will have hard times and we should always acknowledge them as
freely as the joyous ones. There will be times that they drag
on as well and in those times you will need to ask yourself if they
are indicative of something bigger, like depression. In those
times when you ask and the answer comes back that things are a
little more sever, then you reach out for help.
Yet in the milder funks, don’t run to the next distraction.
Don’t grab your phone, your credit card or your car. Just
sit. Be uncomfortable and wait for what will surely come, the
lessons that can come with sadness as well as joy.
The question today is another simple yet profound one. No
exposition is needed. When was the last time you were sad?
What was the reason and what did you do next?
That’s powerful my friends. Don’t avoid that one.
Today I have a bigger action item for you. I would love to
hear from you guys and gals. I am going to post the question
out on my twitter feed, thom_walters and see what you are
thinking. be vulnerable and be vocal. Everyone would
benefit because we have all been there. In the meantime this
is Thom Walters signing off for fFive Minute Mojo. Go make
the rest of the day amazing, sleep tight and of course, sweet
dreams